Self-Care & Still Anxious AF
Unemployment, Endless Self-Care, & Anxious As F**k!
A few years back, I began my self-care journey! I thought my life would improve beyond measure, and for a time, it did. During 2020-22 my mood improved, I felt calmer and much ‘smoother’ Almost Zen-like... Not a patch on Russel Brand, that geezer is actually a Zen Master!
I am a Zen Master
GAD (My general anxiety disorder) wasn’t taking control and my OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) was behaving...ISH.
Roll on the tail end of 2022, and things become a little shitty.
Experiencing death, a rise in stress, and a sense of loss, including within myself, teamed with self-doubt; self-doubt that was mainly due to being made unemployed. Pulled into a room and told to leave right away; like I had killed the office cat or something. It was a complete shock to me and to those around me. I made one hell of a black book so it’s not all bad. (FYI, I’d never hurt a cat. Animal over people person right here)
I tried to be positive with just a hint of bitter moany bastard in there. Realising no financial help was coming my way from the government and the rent was due, I reframed from panicking as I knew it wasn't going to help anyone.
‘Just a hint of bitter moany bastard’
Not a care in the world
If you are like me you will think…
Why am I not as calm and stress-free as these fuckers?
Why isn’t it working for me?
Am I doing something wrong?
The answer is. No. You/We are trying our best. Self-care and everything that comes with it isn’t a quick fix and really, it isn’t a fix at all. It will help you feel better in the long run and is completely worth it, but I don’t believe it will transform anyone into a Zen master.
Last night before bed, I didn’t meditate. I didn’t even shower after the gym ‘Don’t judge me’ Instead I cracked open an IPA and watched a mind-numbing Netflix show until midnight. Okay, it wasn't mind-numbing at all... it had me HOOKED! But come the morning, I sat and beat myself up like a boxer KO’ing his opponent.
‘Why did I waste my time with TV’’ - ‘’Why wasn’t I learning to be one with the earth’’
''Fuck off!’’ Why am I being so hard on myself? We all need a little escape and honestly, I really enjoyed sitting watching the box; something I rarely do so why not, and even if I did it every night, as long as it has the balance of ‘Me’ / ‘You’ time then who cares.
As I sit typing, I am proud of not crumbling (completely) and certainly proud I didn’t sit back and sink into a bottle of rum each night (I may have had a few glasses) Don’t get me wrong, there were bumps and half along the way but that’s to be expected, no?
This rambling on aims to say, self-care is a great thing! Improving our outlooks and broadening our horizons is incredible. Practising mindfulness is one thing we should all do and if you do face yourself with unemployment or being told where to go, then remember, push through, reach out to everyone you know and stay as positive as possible, all while knowing, you will have low days, even weeks and that is okay as they will pass.
Go for walks, enjoy the outdoors, read, or spend half an hour scrolling through cute cat pictures. In time, things will improve.
Oh, after a lot of effort and endless applications, I landed the job I wanted. I start on Monday and cannot express my gratitude!
I’m no trained therapist or coach in any shape or form but am here to listen. I’m pretty good at it so please feel free to shout me on LinkedIn.
